Scream is back, and Ghostface is better at controlling my smart home than my phone

Scream is back, and Ghostface is better at controlling my smart home than my phone

Beloved nineties’ slasher horror Scream is back for a fifth (and please say final) outing.

He’s back, and he’s coming for you — through your smart home. As if Ghostface’s reappearance after a decade laying dormant wasn’t scary enough, this time, the nineties-self-aware-slasher-killer knows how to control your door locks. And clearly, smart home manufacturers could learn a thing or two from him (or her). This dude’s got some killer protocols on hand.

The first trailer for Scream dropped today. It’s technically Scream 5, but apparently, we’re ditching numbers when it comes to horror movie re-boots. And it opens in that kitchen with another child star home alone. Disney darling Jenna Ortega steps in for the E.T. wunderkind as “Tara,” and while we need to get past the landline phone in the kitchen (what decade is this?), seeing as “Tara” is clearly inhabiting Drew Barrymore’s former pad, we can do that.

Neve Campbell and Cortney Cox reunite to battle a tech-savvy killer in the latest Scream installment.
Image: Paramount Pictures

But this killer is tech-savvy, and the smartphone is Ghostface’s torture tool this time around. In the trailer, Tara texts her buddy “Amber,” who she thinks is pranking her and gets the response: “This isn’t Amber.” Strangely, it isn’t as terrifying in a green bubble as it was in analog times. But don’t you worry, that familiar scary voice is back for more fun and games and, this time, with some impressive home automation scares.

In this future world (2022), smart homes work flawlessly, and Ghostface has some hacking skills that can unlock Tara’s front door instantly (hey, it’s a horror movie, not real life). As she backs away from the locked door, her phone helpfully pings her with an audible message: “All Doors Unlocked.” She frantically presses “All Doors Locked” in her generic smart home app (come on, Amazon, there was a killer product placement opportunity here!), and we’re treated to split shots of all these fancy (not smart) deadbolts doing a doorlock dance as killer and victim play smart home roulette. In the smart home, no one can hear your screams of frustration.

Ghostface has some new tricks up his sleeves in the new Scream re-boot.
Image: Paramount Pictures

Unrealistic smart homes aside, the next clip brings with it the relief that this is not just a schlocky rip-off; this is Scream in all its gory nineties glory. We see Neve Campbell answering her smartphone, and when she utters the words “I’m Sidney Prescott, of course I have a gun,” I got literal chills. Gen Xers, rejoice — the whole gang is back. Ex-husband and wife duo David Arquette (as Dewey Riley) and Courtney Cox (as Gale Weathers) team up again with the beleaguered Campbell (Sidney), along with a cast of suitably nubile and stabbable teenage movie stars.

This Scream movie is set in the present time 25 years after the original murders (way to make me feel really old, Paramount), and a new killer is stalking the residents of Woodsboro (why does anyone still live there?). It’s the first Scream since creator Wes Craven’s death, and the movie is helmed by Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett. Sadly, there are no Halloween scares on tap; we’ll have to wait until January 14th, 2022 to see the flick in the theaters. But that’s probably a good thing, really. This is not a movie you want to watch at home — and definitely not in a smart home.

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